angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Don't EVER smell your tampon
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
