ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
