It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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