If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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