i just had sex bonerless
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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