I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
