Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
