Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
This is the high leading the old right now
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
In other news, I just burned my penis
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
