I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
