I wish I could teleport
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
