Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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