I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
