i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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