I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
