you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
