It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
