Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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