My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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