shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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