He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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