Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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