just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
