I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You're like the curious george of whores
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
