already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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