Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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