Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
