If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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