U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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