I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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