i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
