I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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