My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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