Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Duck Duck Cougar?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
