I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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