It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
