Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
