you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
