i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
