tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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