What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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