a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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