I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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