Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I'm jealous of your bromance
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
