This is not my ceiling
wanna go halves on a baby?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
well, you know. whores of a feather.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize