A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize