i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
