Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
