He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
