his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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