Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
