that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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