Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
