I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Randomize
