Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
