So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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