Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
