Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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