So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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