help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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