He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
