was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
