just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
