if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
i've created a new STD.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
