Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
