You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
