I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Couch. On fire.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
