And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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