Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
