Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
