i just wanna soil my oats bro
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
