Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
my shit smells like andre
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
So. Much. Porn.
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