im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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