She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
