I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
