Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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