How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Randomize
