It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
