Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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