Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
