Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
