I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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